DMV Zone

Today I went to the DMV to get a Montana drivers license. I will not publicly disclose how long my Utah drivers license has been expired. Needless to say, I need to take a written and driving test in order to become a legal driver. After numerous attempts to call the office that exclusively handles the written and driving test--let me say that again, the office that is the designated site for ONLY written and driving tests-- and after two hours of busy signals, Doug finally took me across town (we had to show up legally) and dropped me off to take the test.

When I entered the DMV I found myself standing in the middle of the room rotating in a circle trying to make sense of the twenty different homemade signs taped between the fake flower wreaths arranged on the the walls. We will be closed, We will be opened, Do this, Do Not do that, Fill out an Application, Take a number.

Take a number. I understood that sign. But where were the numbers. I poked my head around a dividing wall and spied three unoccupied ladies sitting behind their desks. "Do you have a number?" one gray haired lady asked.

"No, I'm not sure where to get it."

"At the door, when you come in."

"Thanks." I said and headed back to the door. I plucked a number ticket from the machine hiding behind the open door in the building's foyer. Number 31.

I quickly filled out my application, glanced at the electronic sign indicating #30 was being served, and again stepped around the dividing wall. There sat the three ladies still unoccupied. "Are you #30?"

"No." I replied. "I'm #31."

"Well, we're on #30."

I looked from side to side. The office was completely empty. I stood there like a dummy wondering if it would be rude to point out there was no #30. After what seemed like a minute one lady finally said, "I suppose I can help you." and she leaned over, pushed a button, and changed the electronic board to #31.

Now granted permission I sat down in the chair in front of the desk. "I need to take a written and driving test for a new license."

"Oh, yes. I see you are expired. But we are not giving written or driving tests at all this week. Didn't you see the sign?" she said pointing to the walls in the waiting room.

"Uh, no. I must have missed it." I said trying to recall that particular sign amid the plethora of signs and eucalyptus arrangements gracing the walls.

"Well, yes. We're not doing the tests this week but be sure to come back tomorrow and we can get you set. Thanks for coming in, come back Tuesday morning when we're not so busy."

I walked back through the empty waiting room, reminding myself today was Thursday and as far as I knew, state offices don't consider Friday the start of a new work week. As I waited for Doug to pick me up I also wondered what an office that ONLY handles the written and driving tests does for a week if they aren't doing written and driving tests. Who knows?

Doo-doo Doo-doo Doo Twilight Zone at the DMV.